Hey You, Get Out of my Third Space

I’m sorry, this has just gone too far. Starbucks is claiming to be the third space in our lives. Aside from home and work, we now have this communal coffee space that apparently we can not live without. Well the suits are taking over my third space on Tuesday mornings and I've had enough. There seemed to be a lot more of these “business people” in my Starbucks this morning. The Goth/Punk/Tattooed kids are on vacation or something and are not there for counter balance. As each one came in to join their little meeting, they absconded with chair after chair after chair. People where standing there with the Venti and an Orange Raspberry Low Fat Grande Half Foam Scone with no place to sit. Something needs to be done; large powerful groups of people can not just take over the third space.

Now I have a background in Elementary School safety patrol, and I did not spend that year in the Audubon Jr. High School Audio/Visual club without learning a few things. The solution is obvious. We citizens of Starbucks need to bond together and protect the rights of all patrons of the coffee house. We need a “Third Space Patrol”.

The Starbucks on Chapman in Orange, across from El Modena High School is a pretty big one so I’m thinking we will need two “Patrollers” there, but most of the smaller ones can get by with only one. Walkie talkies and arm bands are a definite must, and I have already picked out my handle “Venti in a Tall Cup”. The job of the Patrollers is to keep law and order and justice in the Starbucks sitting area. Anyone talking loudly on a cell phone “Sorry sir” while making the take it down a notch hand motion. Many times a single person will sit in a chair configuration that is clearly setup for 2 or more patrons. In these cases, the Patroller will re-arrange everyone’s seating configuration based on chair positioning and the number of patrons in your party. And, well in the case of the big business meeting, the Patroller will be responsible for determining who in the group gets a limited number of chairs deemed appropriate for such a large group, and come up with a standing/sitting schedule for the group. We can work out all the by-laws at the monthly meeting at the Arby’s by The Main Place Mall. Hopefully that dam “Arby’s No Beef Squad” will leave us alone...