Bitter Sweet Dust

I think I know what bitter-sweet is. I know that I am so proud of what my children have become, of the kind of people they are. Of the independence they have, and the ease at which they make friends. They have good souls. I also miss them terribly. I miss them being little and snugglable (is dis a whord, snuggle-i-a-ble), and being able to pick them up and having my world revolve around them. For the first 10 years or so, they are glued to your hip. You go to the store, they go to the store, you go to the movies, they go to the movies, you go insane, and they egg you on. Like all adults, I have regrets in life, but none as big as not savoring every precious diminutive moment when they where young. They are my life.

Now I have to watch them fly away. I am trying not to make the same mistake, so I savor every minute I get with them. I realize just how lucky I am to see my daughter graduate from high school and head off to college. I know the primal male satisfaction of having a beer with my son. Some people have to go to war and never get any of what I have. I got to spend a whole day with Sean at the Playboy Jazz Festival a few Saturdays ago. Sitting in the sun, and tipping a few. Walking through the back row of the Hollywood bowl smiling at each other as we discovered where that “smell” was coming from. Grooving on cool tunes at a place where everyone is peaceful, smiling and having a good time. It was an awesome summer day.

Mel’s graduation was equally as awesome, she looked so happy. Although I am adding air horns, right below leaf blowers, to my list of things that will be required to leave the state when I am appointed governor. Other things that must go, super tan TV weather men, reality television producers, trucks and SUV’s, people who still write checks while I am behind them in line at the super market, motorcycle cops, Raider fans, their pit bulls and toothless girlfriends, anyone taller then me, guys who mow their own lawns (on Sunday no less), the guy downstairs who laughs really loud (he is not taller then me so he didn’t get kicked out already), all NBA referees, CUBICLES !!, loud motorcycles and spiders.

Anyway, where was I, oh yea, as I begin to pack up the last 25 years of my life into little boxes, throwing away the meaningless, and keeping what is precious, I am learning the obvious? It’s not the crap I spent the most money on through the years, it’s the memories of all the great moments shared with the people I love, the photographs, and the silly trinkets that have powerful memories attached to them and are worth their weight in gold that will make it into the boxes. It is very cathartic to go through ones stuff and sift through the rocks mining for diamonds. It makes me realize how temporary everything is and how everyday I have with the ones I love is a gift, but most important of all, I should have dusted more often.

Graduation Photos