Yeah, But Can You Repeat It?

On most Sundays, Laura and I will head to the local Starbucks for our ritual coffee and LA Times. Unless we get there when they unlock the doors, there is always the same guy camped out in the corner who I call “Chair Boy” He looks to be in his thirties, bald head, and always wears a jackets that makes me think he is a chief, or at least a cook. He is there every Sunday, and follows a very exacting ritual in the way he places his considerable amount of stuff on the same table, the way he positions one of the big comfy chairs, and the order in which he drinks coffee and orders a breakfast sandwich. This guy is a ritualistic master.

He only invades the corner on Sundays, which is a good thing because if he where to show up on Saturday, he would clash with “The Knitting Trojan.” She is a heavy set woman, maybe late twenties, who takes a chair in the same corner, and sets up a little knitting shop, always wearing a USC sweatshirt.

It got me to thinking. How many people out there have their own distinctive rituals when it comes to Starbucks? Some of these can be quite interesting. Starbucks should sponsor a competition of these individualistic performances. The Starbucks Rituals Grand Prix, or SRGP, competition would be a judged event in which people can go through their Starbucks rituals twice and receive a combined score from both performances. The score would be based on originality, and the exactness of both performances. If you can’t repeat the performance with a high degree of exactness, then how can you call it a ritual? Experience has shown that the best routines involve placing Starbucks furniture in a specific pattern, and it’s a given that you must supply your own props to be placed in a position that compliments the pattern of furniture. Oh yeah, somehow, you must work in a high value coffee based beverage, or breakfast sandwich into your routine; extra points for both.